Do I need to give my child pocket money? How much pocket money does a child need and why is it useless to pay him for good grades
Many questions of parents are related to the topic of pocket money for the child. To give or not to give? From what age? How much? How? For what? Do I need to control the spending of pocket money? Elizaveta Filonenko, a well-known child psychologist and author of many books on child psychology, answers these and other questions.
Does the child need pocket money? Especially if the child already has everything.
In some families, parents believe that the child already has everything, and often more than necessary. Who is not familiar with the problem of a room littered with unnecessary toys? And if a child needs something, he can always ask his parents, they will not refuse him ... It turns out that a child, at least until adolescence, does not need money.
However, own money is an important element in the life of a child, one might say, a step in his development. Let's see what task pocket money performs in a child's life.
There are several strong beliefs about pocket money that parents tend to be guided by when resolving this issue. They are not always accurate, and need to be reviewed. Let's take a look at each of them separately.
Belief:“Money helps to learn the basics financial literacy children learn to calculate their spending.
Perhaps this is the case with fairly solid amounts issued to almost adult children. For young children, the small amount that is given to them is unlikely to seriously teach them how to handle money, given that the financial side of their life is fully provided by adults.
Belief: "Pocket money will teach a child to value money, save it, help to understand its real value."
This is hardly true for children who really do not need anything. You should not expect that a child from a fairly well-to-do family will appreciate or save money just because he is given not large sums. In a number of cases, there is a particularly reverent attitude towards personal money among children, but this is rather an individual trait, which is usually accompanied by other character traits. Most often, the presence of pocket money does not teach children thrift.
Pocket money in a child's life plays a completely different, rather psychological role. Appearing in the life of a child, they affect several aspects of his life at once.
Relations with the world, the ability to influence the situation.
A child who has received his own money acquires some new facet of freedom, he begins to look differently at what is available to him or not in the world of things and pleasures. Previously, all his opportunities to get something (be it things or entertainment) were completely controlled by his parents and were impossible without their participation. After receiving pocket money, the role of parents, although it actually remains, goes somewhat into the shadows and this changes the psychological reality of the child. Now he feels more powerful and independent in the world. The child feels more independent, now he can afford more pleasures without the participation of his parents.
Relations with parents.
The growing desire for independence of the child inevitably entails changes in the nature of his relationship with his parents. Pocket money is one of the markers of the new position of the child in the world of people. The child, growing up, gradually fences off its own territory, to which parents will have access only if the child wants it. By giving pocket money, parents, for their part, seem to recognize the right of the child to their own territory. By this they confirm the right of the child to make his own choice and show his trust in him. This is especially true with teenagers, but also applies to younger students.
What to spend pocket money on?
Parents sometimes do not give money to a child precisely because they are afraid that this money will be used for dangerous things (junk food, alcohol, drugs). In such cases, the child receives two negative messages from the parent at once: you are not worthy of our trust and you are incapable of making the right choice. Both of these messages can reasonably be expected to have a negative impact on the child's self-esteem and behavior in adulthood.
Pocket money improves the relationship of children with their parents, but you cannot buy love and relationships.
Giving the child a small amount of pocket money You can improve your relationship with him. Of course, this is not about “buying love”! However, often, ignoring the needs of the child in the field of independent small purchases, we provoke him to a hidden, unconscious dissatisfaction with his position in the family. The child may not talk about it, but it is difficult for him to forgive some things from his parents, especially if the family is constantly dissatisfied with their financial situation or the behavior of the child. Try on this situation: what if every time you want to buy something, you would have to ask the household members. Most people consider this situation for an adult very sad. This situation is also unpleasant for a child, the older the child becomes, the more dissatisfaction he may have in this regard.
Do not confuse pocket money with "target"
Pocket money should not be confused with the so-called "target" money, the money that you give your child for food at school, excursions, and so on. These amounts are given to the child for something, and he cannot, as a rule, dispose of them at his own discretion.
How to give pocket money?
It is best to start giving money regularly around 6-7 years of age. At this age, the child is already socially developed enough for money to become valuable to him. Experience shows that most children are not interested in money beforehand, unless this interest is artificially developed.
How much money to give?
The issue of the amount of money cannot be resolved unambiguously, firstly, because children of different ages have different needs, and secondly, because families have different incomes and children grow up in different social environments. In addition, it is worth considering the child's experience of dealing with money, too large amounts issued unexpectedly can disorient the child.
There is no correct formula by which one could calculate the ideal amount for each case, but some strong points can be listed:
- start with small amounts, gradually increase them;
- ask how much money your child's friends give, a similar amount would be quite appropriate;
- discuss the amount of money given out with the child, his ideas about the amount of pocket money are very important;
- give out money that you are really ready to part with without any particular worries. Children may spend money on things you disapprove of, give or lose money. Therefore, in the hands of the child should be only that amount, the loss of which the parents will not experience too violently.
The amount of pocket money must be agreed with the child in advance and be fixed.
Do you control what your child spends pocket money on?
It is advisable not to control how the child spends the amount that you gave him. Many parents are rightfully afraid that the child, having received money, will spend it on junk food or other forbidden things. Indeed, this happens quite often, the child spends money on things that his parents do not buy him (cola, chips, etc.). However, this issue concerns another area of education, it does not directly relate to pocket money. Eating habits and attitudes about what is good and what is bad are formed over many years, under the influence of the environment. By the time a child receives pocket money, he already has a certain set of attitudes. A child, leaving home, becomes temporarily uncontrollable, and the question of whether he will eat unhealthy foods and do unsightly acts is not a question of whether or not the child has pocket money. There will always be opportunities and it is impossible to solve this issue with financial constraints.
Is it possible to punish children with deprivation of pocket money?
Pocket money cannot be taken away from a child due to some misconduct or the mood of a parent. The possession of a certain amount is usually valued by children, and this makes money a tempting tool to manipulate a child's behavior, in particular, a tool of punishment. Parents often deprive a child of pocket money, for some wrongdoing. This is an unsuccessful strategy that robs the child of a sense of security, leading to a sense of psychological helplessness. After all, if an adult, at his own discretion, can give or take away freedom and independence, the embodiment of which is partly money, then for a child this means his own insignificance. It is better not to use this method. This kind of punishment greatly undermines the child's trust in the parents and can significantly affect the relationship with him. If, nevertheless, financial punishments are planned, then the child must be notified in advance about this, clearly imagine in which case he will lose pocket money. Thus, the issue of deprivation of pocket money can be considered, for example, if a child steals money or material values from parents or other people. In this case, the money that usually went into the pocket of the child is sent to cover the results of his act. However, it must be said separately that cases of theft, especially repeated ones, always require individual consideration, and punishment or deprivation can only aggravate those psychological conditions that push the child to steal.
How often to give pocket money?
It is convenient to give the child money once in the agreed time (once a month or a week). At first " financial way» child, the period for which money is given should be very short. Gradually, with increasing amounts, the interval between financial injections may also increase. In this case, the grown-up child will already face the need for minimal planning of his expenses, in which you can help him.
At first, it makes sense to help your child organize a place to store money and convey to him ideas about saving money that you think are good. Sometimes children who have started to receive small amounts lose them, forget to take them to the store with them. This should become a matter of responsibility for the child. That is, you give money to a child, and at a certain moment he is responsible for their storage and availability. It is better to avoid situations in which it is not the child, but the mother who counts the child's pocket money, stores it, and so on. The child must organize storage and monitor his money on his own.
Money for housework.
A separate topic is the opportunity to earn money in the family. There are two main areas: study and directly work.
Some families believe that studying for a child is the same job, so it would be natural to pay for the child's efforts in the field of study. I am one of the fundamental opponents of such a position and I think that it is never worth paying for studies, both for individual grades and for a well-finished quarter. As a motivator, money for studying does not work well and leads to a decrease in study motivation rather than to its increase. In the field of education, completely different incentives work. Money, if it gives a temporary result, is accompanied by very tangible negative phenomena, and besides, it has a bad effect in the long run.
Do you get paid for housework?
You don't have to pay for homework either. After all, household chores are, in a sense, a condition for living together and an unspoken agreement between family members living under the same roof. Paying for the removal of the bin or washed dishes means putting the child in an artificial and strange situation when, for some reason, the rules of the hostel that are followed by other family members do not apply to him. In addition, with paid homework, it is assumed that the child is incapable of perceiving other positive reinforcements (thankfulness, approval, the joy of loved ones), but understands only the ringing of “gold coins”. Agree, such a situation is unnatural and highly undesirable.
How can a child make money in his own family?
However, there are still opportunities to earn in your own family. Here, those types of work that you entrust to third parties that are not performed by family members are suitable. AT family budget a certain amount has already been allocated for such expenses, and the child, if desired, can receive it by doing the appropriate work. Washing the car, walking the dogs, certain types household chores and other duties that are usually performed not by family members themselves, but by specially hired people. For example, you usually wash your car in a special center, but if your child, wanting to increase the number of personal money, does it himself, then the amount that you would have spent on washing will fairly go to him. This logic is accessible and understandable to children; it does not turn relations with parents into commerce. The child has the opportunity to earn money, but there is also a choice to refuse work without harming the family. The child actually has no such choice if you pay him to clean your room or study. He cannot refuse and say “I won’t do this”, because in this case he will still be subjected to pressure from his parents, who will insist on doing things.
Family and example of parents.
Pocket money is an important part of the child's experience, but attitudes towards money are shaped by more diverse influences. Children, as a rule, form their attitude to money, relying on the views of their parents in this area, but without completely copying them. However, the position of parents in the field of finance plays big role for the formation of the mentality of the child.
How to teach children how to handle money properly?
How can parents help a child establish a relationship with money that will contribute to his harmonious life? There are two main directions here:
- do not neglect the basics of financial literacy. Finance is an area to study like any other. There are various possibilities for this: financial games, to special academic disciplines. You should not expect that financial literacy will come naturally to a child, without any effort in this regard.
- work on your relationship with money. You may also lack financial literacy and you can make efforts in this direction. Many adults dream of streamlining their financial life, learning how to optimize their personal budget, so maybe it's time to master this area? By optimizing our own attitude towards money, we will certainly have a positive impact on how our children will relate to this important area of life.
👋 And I wish you well-being in finances, family and in life!
Timur Mazaev was with you, aka MoneyPapa, an expert in family finance.
Many psychologists and parents are convinced that in order to feel like a person who feels confident in the world of self-sufficient adults, a child needs pocket money. If he cannot, at least occasionally, independently buy things he likes, he will inevitably experience negative emotions. In addition, it can contribute to the development of an inferiority complex, envy of other children, greed.
Opponents of pocket money believe that, while a child is small, adults close to him should buy everything he needs, since he himself will not be able to make the right choice. Therefore, it is necessary to relieve him of such responsibility. Moreover, if you give him, even small amounts of pocket money, he will become a capricious, spoiled creature who is not able to restrain his desires.
A grown child must earn his own expenses on his own. Opponents of pocket money love to refer to the American experience, where millionaire parents, instead of giving money to their offspring, send them to work as car washers, messengers, couriers. Because they believe that only in this way can one understand the true value of money and know the harsh side of life.
Supporters of both points of view are right in their own way, and at the same time, both options have their downside. Of course, you can not give money to children, taking on the satisfaction of all desires in your own hands. Thus, on the one hand, you will demonstrate your power to your child, and on the other hand, you will give rise in him, in addition to envy and resentment, the habit of relying only on you in everything. You can not only give your offspring certain amounts, but make it a habit. Let's just say, the child, of course, will be delighted. Over time, however, the joy will dull and pass into the category of routine and familiar events, and you, perhaps, in this way, will cultivate elements of independence in it. However, it may also happen that your decision will be the next step towards raising a spoiled and naughty creature. Therefore, each parent will have to look for the golden mean in this most important dilemma on their own.
However, there are a number of points that can and should be taken into account when deciding whether or not to give the offspring money, and now we will voice them. So.
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Your child understands the difficulties of parents. Knows that money is earned by hard work. In families where adults talk about their work, children in elementary grades can already show such understanding.
He knows for what purposes he needs money, he can clearly answer what and how he will spend it. In reality, the end goal is not so important. And it does not matter whether he puts money in a piggy bank or buys himself a chocolate bar every day. The main thing is a meaningful desire to have pocket money.
The child knows how to go shopping. Before you start giving out a certain amount on a regular basis, be sure to check the child's ability to shop for the house. The child should be able to distribute the amount received in such a way that it is enough for all the products you named. Don't forget change in the store.
It is not worth giving money if the child ...
Poorly imagines who and where parents work, does not know what wage and where it comes from. Such naivety is characteristic not only of the offspring of wealthy parents. Children of low-income parents can also be infantile, who try their best so that the child does not notice this.
Cannot give up small desires in order to achieve a "higher goal". He does not want to limit himself and refuses to save money for the large purchase he needs.
Uncontrollable. If your child behaves very badly, does not know how to keep his promises, likes to lie, then pocket money will harm him. Because he can piously believe that money is given "just like that."
When deciding on pocket money, decide for yourself what you are paying for. Do you want to bring up independence in the offspring in this way? Is this some sort of sanity test? Or maybe you are simply moving away from his interests, leaving the child with his desires alone?
There is nothing worse than when parents use pocket money to try to pay off the worries and problems associated with the child. This step is often resorted to by businessmen and businesswomen who do not want to spend precious time raising offspring and thus assert themselves in front of themselves and in front of their children.
Tips for parents
Before the child starts going to school, pocket money should not be given. Like it or not, a kindergartener should play with toys, and not count incomes.
If you nevertheless come to the conclusion that your child is entitled to personal money, make it not look like giving in to his blackmail. Otherwise, the novice blackmailer will come to the conclusion that it is enough to "push" the ancestors - and you will get everything you want.
Of course, the amount given to the child for pocket expenses depends on the income of your family. However, do not forget that this is just pocket money, therefore, by definition, there should not be much of it.
Turning to monetary relations, be sure to increase the child's responsibilities. Since he believes that he is already old enough to manage a certain amount of money on his own, he is quite mature enough to do household chores.
If you decide that it is too early for a child to have personal money, no need to refuse him in a rude manner. Justify your refusal and explain how they can be earned.
Do not link to homework assignments or grades. Otherwise, very soon your child will not want to do anything for "just because" and will have to pay for the lessons learned and for the washed dishes.
Encourage his desire to help, diligence, good behavior. In this case, it is quite possible to "punish the rude" with a ruble. After all, if he had a fight at school, offended his parents, then he does not deserve financial incentives. Giving the child a certain amount, bring to his attention that money still needs to be earned.
In order for a child to know the value of money, to understand that they do not fall from the sky, but are earned, children need to be taught from childhood to properly manage in cash. Let's try to figure out whether it is necessary to give money to children for pocket expenses at all? Let's figure out how to react correctly if it suddenly turns out that a child is stealing money. To understand how to educate a child in responsibility and the right attitude towards money, so that the child does not grow up greedy, it is necessary to consider all aspects of the money issue.
Cartoon for children: What is money?
Should you give your child pocket money?
Arguments for giving money to children:
- The presence of their own money teaches children to manage their personal budget (save, save up for something);
- Children learn to choose what is more important at the moment, learn to prioritize;
- The presence of pocket money makes children want to have more of it, and, therefore, is an excellent incentive for earning money in adulthood;
- Managing one's own money brings up independence, responsibility and confidence in children;
- The presence of their own finances gives the child the feeling of a full member of the family and society;
Arguments against giving money to children:
- Since the children did not earn money themselves, but they got the money just like that, this amount can be easily spent on meaningless knick-knacks, which obviously will not teach the child to value money;
- Giving children money for good behavior or for helping around the house can be a source of blackmail in the future;
- Money can make a child greedy and envious;
- It will be difficult for children to understand the true value of money.
There are many arguments for and against giving pocket money to children, but the truth, as you know, is somewhere in the middle.
The optimal age for issuing pocket money is considered to be 6 years old. A child at this age is already able to assess the situation and make simple decisions independently. Before making the child happy with the first pocket money, it is necessary to explain in an accessible way how to handle it.
Should I give money for merit?
Many parents give their child money for good grades in school and doing some household chores. Remuneration in monetary terms is a good incentive to study well and help around the house, but the child must clearly understand that these are his direct duties, and they should not be paid. In this case, the child grows up as an egoist, who even fulfills his direct duties solely for monetary reward. It will also affect the relationship of parents with the child, and instead of respect and disinterested help, commodity-money exchange will appear.
When allocating pocket money to a child, you need to be extremely careful. In case of mismanagement of finances, it is necessary to explain to the child why / where he spent the money incorrectly in order to avoid this in the future. From early childhood, it is necessary to teach children how to manage money correctly, only in this way the child will learn to appreciate them.
How much money to give a child?
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When you have firmly decided that the child has reached the age to manage money independently, have an explanatory conversation with him. Tell how much, why and for what he will be given money. The size sum of money depends on common sense parents. But other factors also affect the amount of pocket money allocated to a child:
- The age and responsibility of the child;
- The financial situation of the family;
- Locality of residence (of course, in a metropolis, prices are an order of magnitude higher than in peripheral cities).
Criteria for issuing pocket money:
- Psychologically, the child is ready to manage money on his own already in the first grade, after he has learned to count and read;
- A certain amount within reasonable limits should be allocated for pocket expenses;
- For preschool children, give money once a week; for teenage children, once a month;
- Keep everything under control financial expenses your child to prevent illegal purchases (tobacco, alcohol and drugs).
Never calculate the amount based on:
- school performance;
- help around the house;
- Exemplary behavior;
- own mood.
You should not compensate for the lack of your attention to children with money. Remember that the issuance of pocket money should pursue one important goal - the upbringing of financial independence in a child.
Tips for parents:
- The child must know why he is given money, what and how to spend it;
- The amount given must be within reasonable limits and grow as the child grows;
- Set a clear schedule for issuing money to the child, let it be a specific day of the week / month;
- The amount must be strictly fixed. This will teach the child to manage limited funds so that they are enough for a certain time (teach them to plan);
- If it is not possible to give money again, explain to the child the reason why this happened.
When giving a child pocket money, you should not clearly regulate what he should buy. Let him manage the allocated amount on his own. So he learns to manage own funds appropriate. Of course, the child will first have to learn to cope with many temptations, to be responsible for the consequences of senseless spending, but in the end he will learn to correctly and reasonably relate to money and purchases. Encourage your child to write down each purchase so that later at the end of the week they analyze their financial expenses and draw certain conclusions. It will also give parents the opportunity to keep track of their child's spending. Tell him that if you save money, you can collect a decent amount and buy something more substantial, something that he has been dreaming of for a long time. So he will learn to save and save money in a piggy bank, not spending on meaningless purchases. Monitor your child's spending gently, unobtrusively, with confidence.
Necessary security measures
- Inform your child of all possible risks carrying money with you (loss, theft);
- Warn the child not to brag about money either to peers or to adults;
- Give your child a piggy bank, let him keep his savings there, it's safer;
- Learn to keep money not in your pockets, but in your wallet;
- Tell them that in the event of an attack or blackmail, it is better to give money without resisting.
Most children receive their first pocket funds at the age of 7–8, entering elementary school, which requires relative independence. But, handing the first “personal” rubles to the growing child, parents often make a number of mistakes that almost completely negate the benefits that pocket money could carry.
Lifehacker figured out exactly how to give “his penny” to a child so that a son or daughter learns to appreciate what they receive and manage it competently.
1. Give money consciously
Giving a small amount with a strict stipulation like "For a bun in the cafeteria!" just as harmful as giving money without an account. In both cases, the child has almost no chance to independently estimate their own needs. And certainly there is no motivation to rank these needs in terms of priorities. After all special purpose funds are either too rigidly defined (there is not enough money for any other option except for a “bun”) or too vague (relatively speaking, enough for everything).
Meanwhile, the key meaning of pocket money is precisely to teach a child to manage finances - by choosing primary and secondary ones, create savings. Therefore, each tranche - at least at first, until the child learns to make such calculations on his own - should be accompanied by the words: "Let's calculate how much money you will need tomorrow and for what."
During the discussion, you and your child will find out that pocket money includes the following items of expenditure:
- Necessary - these are, for example, travel expenses, meals at school, payment for other school needs that cannot be abandoned.
- Additional - spending at the junction of necessity and pleasure. It can be a cake in addition to the school soup and the second one. A beautiful fountain pen instead of a cheaper standard one. Buying a new pencil case instead of an old worn out one.
- Savings is also a very important point. Every child dreams of one or another expensive toy: a new doll, a skateboard, a soccer ball. Using the example of savings, you can explain to the baby how to achieve a dream and how you can accelerate this achievement if you start saving. “If you save 10 rubles every day, then in 50 days you will be able to buy yourself a doll. And if you save 20 rubles each, for example, saving on a cake, then you will buy it in 25 days.”
When the child realizes what items of expenditure are contained in those 100 rubles that you are ready to give him with you, the money will become an applied tool for him, and not obscure candy wrappers.
2. Give out pocket money once a week or a month
One of better ways teach how to manage a budget - give pocket money not daily, but weekly or even (in the case of adolescents) monthly. Naturally, you should proceed to this point after you have figured out the structure of expenses, having learned to divide expenses into necessary and additional ones.
Having received a certain amount for a week in advance, the student will have to independently prioritize, distributing the money so that they are enough for basic needs: and, say, to buy a travel card, and to pay for school lunches, and for small joys.
Do not be nervous if it turns out that the child spent the budget too early.
This happens to many: children are just learning how to handle money, so they are not immune from mistakes. The main thing is not to add finance in excess of what has already been allocated. Nothing bad will happen in a couple of moneyless days, but it will be a good lesson.
If, nevertheless, the child still has the necessary expenses, for which there is no more money, you can do this: add the amount for an urgent purchase, as if “in debt”. Do not forget to warn that you will deduct this amount from the next tranche.
Always give out pocket money within a clearly defined period, not earlier and not later. If you give money randomly and in different amounts, this can confuse the child.
Rebecca Shiko, British child development expert and author of The Calm and Happy Baby
3. Demonstrate the value of money
At first, children receive pocket money "just like that." But the older the child becomes, the more important it is to instill in him the idea that funding is not an unconditional right, but rather an opportunity that largely depends on the child himself.
For example, your student might start each week with zero balance and earn pocket money by the weekend. "Earnings" can be payment for help around the house - but only that which goes beyond the standard children's duties. Cleaning in their room is not paid, but if the child puts things in order in the kitchen or in the bathroom, he will earn an additional 20-30 rubles. Another option for receiving a “salary” is an additional payment for grades above the agreed score. Or a book read and retold. Or a composed verse at least 10 lines long. Or help with younger children.
You can choose any options for additional earnings that suit you and your son or daughter, setting its size and reviewing it depending on the diligence of implementation or other factors. All this will teach the child that money is earned by work and ingenuity, and the level of payment can be negotiated.
4. Lead by Example
Don't raise your kids, they'll still look like you. Educate yourself.
old british proverb
Leading by example is one of the best ways to teach a child. Let the son or daughter see how you distribute your salary by expense item: pay for a communal apartment, allocate a certain amount for food and clothing. You can involve the child in planning a family vacation: “If we want to go to the sea in the summer, we will need to save this amount every month.” Also explain to him the mechanism of buying expensive things and equipment - through lending or savings.
5. Encourage charity
A child can donate part of his money to wherever he sees fit. On the part of parents, it is only important to pay attention to this opportunity, because often children believe that they are too small to help someone or participate in some citywide or nationwide projects.
Charity helps to bring up social responsibility, and it, in turn, increases the level of responsibility in the child as a whole. In the future, this will have a positive impact on the relationship of a grown-up son or daughter with money, and on his life in general.
Instruction
It is essential to give your child pocket money. This step will teach him many things: how to manage money, prioritize what to spend money on and what not to, teach him how to save and count money. After all, while the child does not have his money on hand, he has no idea how they can end and why parents save on something.
Age will be an important question here: when can a child be entrusted with some amounts, knowing that he will not just give them to his friends and will not lose them? In most cases, at preschool age, the baby is still too young to manage money on his own. He is attached to his parents, does not go for walks without them, and still does not count well. But younger students can already be trusted with small amounts. At this time, children become more independent, so pocket money will teach them discipline, give them freedom from their parents.
It should be noted that younger students are just beginning to learn how to handle money. They still do not know how to plan and properly distribute them. Therefore, they need to give money in small portions, but more often than teenagers. Let's say you agree that you will allocate money for the child at the beginning or at the end of the week. It is unreasonable to give the entire amount for a month to a child of 7-9 years old - there is a risk that he will immediately spend it.
The amount of pocket money depends on financial opportunities each particular family. But don't spoil your child too much. Pocket money is not an amount for his maintenance, it should not become an attempt to bribe him or provide everything that the baby wants. Pocket money is an element of education, they should not spoil the child. Therefore, even in wealthy families, very small amounts of pocket money should be allocated in order to teach the child to handle finances competently, and not to show the family's wealth in front of other children.
Be sure to agree with the child on what you can not spend pocket money and for what he can be deprived of them. Money should not become a tool for manipulating a child, paying for good grades or behavior. You can deprive pocket money only as a last resort: not because the child again did not put things in order in his room, and you quarreled, but because the child violated previous agreements and spent money, say, on harmful chips or worse, on cigarettes, although you forbade it. The abolition of pocket money should be temporary - for a week or a month and only for educational purposes.
However, parents should not have such strict control over what the child spends his money on. Nor should they criticize his purchases - even if they are not as practical as parents would like, but it is his money and his purchases. The child has every right to have his own desires and dispose of his things and means. Even if the child does not spend money, you should not ask him for a report, perhaps he is saving money for some serious purchase.
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